I scribbled my phone number on a scrap of paper and jammed it into the pocket of my hoodie. It had been almost two weeks since the thought first crossed my mind, and in that time I had tried to talk myself out of doing it by listing every conceivable negative outcome I could think of. My mind was restless.
What if she actually calls me? Then what? I'm not good at doing things in public...OUTDOORS. What could she possibly have in common with me? Why would she ever date an IT nerd who sleeps all day? What if she hates video games? What if she likes to party all the time? I am terrible in large social situations. What if she has a bunch of attractive male friends with souped-up cars and chiseled abs? What if they beat me up for being a pasty marshmallow? What if she and I hit it off, but her family disapproves? What if she's in this country without a green card and just pretends to like me for citizenship? Could I go to jail? I don't want to go to jail! Even worse, what if she breaks my heart? It's been three years and I'm still not fully recovered from the last time. I don't think I could survive that kind of pain again.
It had been difficult to reestablish my life after my engagement had been called off. I'd quit my job, moved back to the Seattle area, and moved in with my mother, which was nice but culturally unacceptable for a 25 year old man not currently in school. A year later I was moving again after yet another job change, one that guaranteed I'd never see daylight for more than an hour at a time. I had no goals, no ambition, and I was consuming far too many Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers and Volcano Tacos. I'd pretty much given up on relationships since the last serious one had left me so defeated and insecure.
That smile though. I couldn't get her out of my head. Every time I see that smile, I see a future where everything is better.
But what if she rejects you?
SHUT UP AND CALL THE DAMN RESTAURANT!
